Some people are fans of the Minnesota Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Minnesota Vikings. This 2025 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: Frauds. Fucking frauds. Frauds on the field. Frauds on the sideline. Frauds in the front office. Literal criminal owners. Fraudity fraud fraud FRAUDS.
Here they are. The Minnesota Vikings: football’s Best Supporting Actor winner for the 65th straight year.
Your 2024 record: An utterly fraudulent 14-3. I am a Vikings fan. Who thought that 14-3 record officially made his team a Super Bowl contender? I did. Who bought all the way into Sam Darnold, texting his buds, “He really might be the guy”? Me. Who complained that the refs cost the Vikings that Thursday night game against the Rams, even though they had no shot of winning that game either way? Me again. Who, dear reader, went into Week 18 fully convinced that his team would wrap up the No. 1 seed against a Lions team they’d already lost to? And who thought the Vikes’ Wild Card game against L.A. was a layup because the Rams had been forced out of their own stadium by a ravaging wildfire? ME ME ME ME ME ME. I may as well live in a fucking dunk tank.
You might think last year taught me something about being delusional, and you’d be right. Unfortunately, as you’re about to find out, I learned all of the wrong things. But let’s get into the nitty gritty of 2024 before I get back to yelling at myself.
Unlike the 13-win Vikings of 2022, the 2024 edition ended the season with a positive net point differential, so that was nice. Less nice was the fact that they had the exact same weaknesses, enough for them to enter the postseason with FRAUDS spray painted across their helmets. Just like 2022, the Vikings had one of worst pass-blocking interior lines in football, zero interior pass rush, a QB whose gaudy stats meant nothing in the big picture, and an enraging inability to hold onto big leads. Even Caleb Williams put the fear of God into them for a game, and Caleb Williams plays football like he’s having a three-hour seizure.
All along the way, the Vikings had to plug leaks in the hull. LT Christian Darrisaw tore his knee up in L.A., so they had to trade for Jags scrub Cam Robinson, who couldn’t block a gnat by the time December had rolled around. New RB Aaron Jones started off hot until the Vikings learned, well after Green Bay had, that giving Jones more than 20 touches a game leads to the man tweaking every soft tissue in his body. So they traded at midseason for RB Cam Akers, somehow for the second season in a row. Also for the second season in a row, it made no difference. They also had to sign an emergency kicker after their prized rookie kicker hurt himself. When that rookie finally made it back onto the field, he’d already contracted a classic case of Gary Andersonitis. And the only reason that Darnold got his career rejuvenation season is because the rookie QB they drafted was the victim of Minnesota’s annual “Oops actually he’s out for the year!” preseason injury.
However, 14 wins are 14 wins, and I was more than happy to convince myself that this was not yet another pop-up season that ends the way every other pop-up Vikings season ends. Jared Verse and the Rams disabused me of that notion when they sacked Darnold nine times in Arizona. We could have drafted Jared Verse. We drafted the second coming of Duane Clemons instead.
But this season? This season is gonna be different. Mark my words … mostly so that you can throw them back me when the same shit happens all over again.
Your coach: Well you know we’re feeling really good about where Kevin O’Connell is right now in his coaching journey, just sitting with him after practice and teaching him the whys of that journey and how that journey will potentially impact his players’ respective journeys and we’re really encouraged by the progress he’s making along that journey and that journey is on [busts into karaoke] the midnight train going anyyyywhere…
KOC is your reigning coach of the year for his work with Darnold, which earned him the unofficial title of “quarterback whisperer” from the media. Same as Mike Martz, and Norv Turner, and Marc Trestman, and so many other legendary head coaches who got that same praise. Do I think KOC is better than the men I just listed? I do. I think he’s the one: the coach who will finally achieve what no Vikings head coach ever has. Look how good he is at making shitty QBs serviceable for the first four months of any given season and tell me that I’m wrong.
LOL Drew: All Kevin O’Connell does is win one-score games. His offense is so complex that WR Justin Jefferson went to him in the middle of last season and begged him to stop forcing Darnold to recite entire Tolstoy novels in the huddle. The second a run play fails, he goes air raid for the rest of the game. Every screen play he draws up results in the back getting his shit ruined the second he catches the ball three yards behind the line of scrimmage. He calls trick plays at the exact wrong time, and they always result in one of our backs throwing the ball to a wide open safety. Oh, and he got absolutely schooled by Brian Daboll in his first playoff game, then schooled even harder by old boss Sean McVay in his second go at it.
So who gives a fuck if the NFLPA gives KOC an A++++ every offseason? Nice wins nothing. Ask Andy Reid, who waterboards his players for the entire month of August and reaps the benefits come the New Year. Every year, I hear KOC tell media that the Vikings are gonna have a more physical play style, and every year better teams cut through them like wrapping paper.
Your defensive coordinator is Brian Flores, who gets even better press than O’Connell even though his scheme is even more bespoke than the offense’s. Vic Fangio just won a title by pressing X on the Madden playcalling menu 600 times in a row. By contrast, Flores blitzes more often than a panzer tank and wows the universe by lining up safeties at DT, only for skilled OCs to solve his crazy baby riddles by season’s end. He’s handsome Dom Capers.
Your quarterback: Would-be savior J.J. McCarthy, who has the entire franchise, not to mention the entire state of Minnesota, behind him. I too have fully bought into the kid. I love his arm talent. I love that he can throw on the run. I love the hint of moxie he gives off in press conferences. And I love what I’ve heard about the kid all through training camp. Did you know that McCarthy went directly to Flores and asked him questions about how to recognize certain defensive tendencies? What other young QB is gonna take that kind of initiative? This is the guy. The one. We’re not gonna win just one Super Bowl with J.J. McCarthy, but many of them. Look at the kid’s composure in the pocket this preseason and tell me I’m wrong.
LOL Drew: Well, McCarthy’s never played a single down in the NFL, and he only threw a grand total of 12 passes throughout his college career at Michigan. He’s also coming off a full meniscus repair that sidelined him all last season and cut his weight down to Christian Bale getting into character for The Machinist. He has trouble throwing out-breaking routes, which is exactly the kind of route that Jefferson specializes in. I spent six years trying to convince myself that Kirk Cousins could rise above his inherent flaws. I will spend double that amount of time doing likewise with J.J. McCarthy.
Minnesota elected to roll with the kid over Darnold, and even a very eager Aaron Rodgers, because they believe in him. Teams believed in Sam Bradford, too. It means nothing. You can do everything right and earn every Scout badge from the coaching staff, but you can still suck shit through a straw once the lights come on. But I’ve chosen to ignore all of that, because this is the first top-10 QB the Vikings have ever drafted. If you cheer for the Jaguars or Browns, you know firsthand that a top 10 QB is a 50/50 proposition at best. But my naïve ass is sitting here all like, “This kid is special! He just has IT!” The only reason I feel better than I ever have about the Vikings’ long term plan is because this is the first time they’ve ever had any long term plan. Please shit on my face.
Behind McCarthy is Seattle castoff Sam Howell, who’s so fucking awful that the team is probably going to trade for his replacement as this preview goes live. Behind Howell is Brett Rypien, who’s even worse. Behind Rypien is UDFA Max Brosmer, who played one season at U-Minnesota. Fans here will be calling for him to start the second they see McCarthy buckle under pressure.
What’s new that sucks: I am so fucking hyped for this updated roster. Newly extended GM Kwesi Adofo-Mensah was just as sick as I was of watching the Vikings make the same fuckups every year. So he put on his Finance Wizard cape in March and rebuilt the interior of both lines entirely. Our new defensive interior includes monster DTs Jonathan Allen and Javon Hargrave. Our new O-line features former Colts teammates Will Fries and Ryan Kelly, plus OSU first-rounder Donovan Jackson. And if that wasn’t enough, Kwesi also yoinked RB Jordan Mason from the 49ers so that this team can make its first short-yardage conversion in 70 years. They also re-upped Byron Murphy as their CB1 and paired him with former Eagle Isaiah Rodgers, the latter of whom Flores personally scouted and vouched for. From top to bottom, this is one of the best rosters in the league. Look at the depth chart and tell me I’m wrong.
LOL Drew: Run that first string of wideouts by me again:
If the season is two weeks away and your team is openly, desperately hoping that Carolina will give you Adam Thielen for a Day 3 pick swap, that’s probably not a good sign. Jefferson tweaked his hammy on the second day of camp and hasn’t practiced since. WR Jordan Addison is out until Week 4 with a drunk Ferrari ride. That leaves WR Jalen Nailor as the best option left. A season ago, Nailor graduated from “guy who always gets hurt in camp” to “guy who isn’t all that good.” He just got hurt in camp. The cupboard is barren after that. Rondale Moore, the guy Minnesota hoped might add needed depth to that room, suffered a season-ending knee injury in the preseason for the second straight year. Dagger. Jefferson says he’ll be ready for the MNF opener at Chicago, but I’ve met that man’s hamstrings before. They’re more tender than a slab of wagyu just off the fire.
As for that free agent haul of linemen I salivated over up above, every single one of those players is either old, coming off an injury, or both. Kelly is an enormous upgrade over former C Garrett Bradbury, but if he goes down we’re right back to the same problem the Vikings have had since 2017. And with DT Harrison Phillips traded to the Jets, the team is now reliant on unheralded guys like Jalen Redmond and Tyrion Ingram-Dawkins if the Allen/Hargrave duo can’t last 17 games. Did I also mention that star edge Andrew Van Ginkel has been MIA at practice for weeks now with an undisclosed injury? Or that the undisputed CB3 is Jeff Okudah? “Oh wow, Jeff Okudah has a kid in the league already?” you’re asking. No, that’s just Jeff Okudah. Stephon Gilmore will be back in the building by Labor Day.
More than any other team, last year’s Vikings prospered thanks to their opponents dropping an uncommon number of passes and committing an uncommon number of penalties against them. That sort of good fortune happens when you play both South divisions. The schedule isn’t anywhere near as welcoming this time around.
Everyone is being weird about the team’s male cheerleaders. We still don’t have a punt returner. Ivan Pace couldn’t cover the pass even if he were playing touch football. Dallas Turner is the worst kind of bust: a bust that still gets playing time. Lewis Cine has a Super Bowl ring.
What has always sucked: I just spent 2,000-plus words picking nits. Other fans would love to have the kind of problems the Vikings have. We’ve got the roster, the coaches, the owners, the training staff, and the front office all working in sync together. That’s no delusion. Ask around. The Vikings have managed to be one of the winning-est franchises in NFL history despite never fully having their shit together. They’ve got their shit together now, which portends nothing but great things. Tell me I’m wrong.
LOL Drew: These are the Vikings. There. Argument over. The Vikings exist to look good before the gallows floor drops out on them. The reason I picked all of those nits is because those are the things that always, always, come back to bite this team in the ass in the end. The only Eagles and Falcons this team will ever beat are the ones that suicide themselves against the stadium’s glass roof. Our best QB ever is either a guy who played before Kennedy was shot, or one magical season from a washed-up Randall Cunningham.
I make fun of Wisconsinites for the looks, but our fans are just as liable to walk around the stadium concourse with their crooked-ass toes reaching out from their Tevas. They’re also allergic to confidence and will suffer a nervous breakdown the second that Will Reichard misses another figgie from inside 45 yards. And I can be like, “Well I’m not like THOSE fans,” but I am. I’m not even a coherent Vikings fan. Watch for yourself. Pick on the Vikings and I turn into a WhineBot5000 who attempts to make 20 different points all at the same time. Every time I think I’m right about the Vikings, everyone else turns out to be.
And guess what? I’m a hair away from 50. I am running out of time to see the Vikings win the NFC, much less the Super Bowl. So when I tell you this is finally our time, it’s just me trying to deny the Reaper lurking over in the corner, ready to take me out as surely as he’ll take out the kid’s other meniscus. I’m too dumb to recognize that my entire life as a sports fan has been a sunk cost, and I’ll only smarten up once I’m in the dirt. Fuck me. Maybe I should start drinking again.
The Eagles own us in perpetuity. The Twins should have been contracted. The Wolves are just as disappointing come playoff time as the Vikings are. Wild rice is profoundly overrated.
What might not suck: Here’s the one place I’m not delusional: the Vikings have some of the absolute best people still working the beat: Matthew Coller, Emily Leiker, Ben Goessling, Andrew Krammer, Kevin Seifert, old man Reusse, Judd Zulgad and the Purple Daily crew, Arif Hasan, and more. It doesn’t matter if they’re national, local, or independent. All of these people know their shit and make the Vikings a joy to follow. I even love Paul Allen, even though everyone outside of Minneapolis can’t stand him.
Also, the kid is for real. We’re winning the Super Bowl. I’m not wrong. Fuck you.
HEAR IT FROM VIKINGS FANS!
Matt:
Sometimes I wish we were just drunk, fat and delusional like Packers fans.
Gabe:
Medieval catapults had more mobility than Sam Darnold did in the last two games of the season.
Mark:
KOC gave up in that playoff game against the Rams like he was PJ Fleck trying for a quality loss to Purdue.
Paul:
At a time where all other American institutions are collapsing, it’s comforting to know that at least the Vikings’ divisional round exit is safe.
Steve:
The worst thing about being a Minnesota Vikings fan is that I’m also a Toronto Maple Leafs fan.
Kirsten:
The Vikings are like a Minnesota hotdish. The ingredients seem promising when you’re putting it together. Heck, it even smells delicious in the oven, building your appetite to a fever pitch in anticipation of taking that first, heavenly bite. But when it’s time to feast, it’s just undercooked tater tots and sadness underneath.
Mack:
My cousin’s wedding gift to us was tickets to a Vikings home game this year… against the Eagles.
Eric:
Our kicker can’t kick anymore.
Luke:
Kevin O’Connell coaches like a guy who’s read every analytics book ever written but keeps forgetting you’re allowed to run the football. Our O-line is still built like it was assembled at Menards. Every offseason we swap out a few parts, and every season ends with a defensive back falling over while someone like Christian Watson or Jameson Williams scores a 70-yard touchdown on national television.
Mark:
I did get to watch the Minneapolis Miracle with my son, which remains the only good Viking memory of his life. He will be a college sophomore this fall.
Jensen:
I took the Bar Exam last week and found that I’m honestly less apprehensive about the results as I am about watching the Week 1 game against the Bears. Not because I’m confident I passed, but because I’m a fucking idiot.
Stephen:
McCarthy is the prince that was promised, so he will probably snap his tibia shoveling snow from his driveway in September.
Stephen:
I just remembered we drafted Mike Hughes when Lamar Jackson was still there. Nothing says Minnesota Vikings like drafting a mediocre corner in the first when a generational talent is available.
JJ McCarthy seems really nice though, risk of Aaron Rodgers brain aside.
Rob:
McCarthy has great poise. He’s in total command of the huddle. He’s great before the snap. Praising a young QB’s intangibles can only mean one thing, and we all know what that one thing is. Wake me up in three years when it’s time to do this again. Or don’t, I have kids and I’m tired.
Greg:
Darnold’s last 8 days on the job really set the tone for 2025. We’ll all be seeing ghosts forever.
Fuck Joe Pohlad with his entire portfolio of underwater office mortgages.
Paul:
Vikings fans have created a euphemism where “hard to find parking at the stadium” means “there are black people around.”
DA:
I would happily let reigning Kevin O’Connell walk if it meant I’d never have to hear the dopes in the Twin Cities sports media use the term “quarterback whisperer” ever again.
Nancy:
My brother in law, a Rams fan, texted me the morning of the playoff game telling me that he heard that Sam Darnold was up all night with explosive diarrhea. Foreshadowed his shitting of the bed later that day.
Alex:
My engagement came to a cataclysmic ending last August. While I’ve moved on and things have improved greatly for me since, I’ve come to realize that my love life parallels the Vikings: ringless.
Layne:
I remember feeling absolute dread the moment they gave Darnold the Rudy treatment in Week 17.
Tyler:
Calling the Vikings “cursed” is disrespectful to curses everywhere, because curses don’t shoot themselves in the dick every time things feel like they’re maybe, possibly, good. Curses don’t assemble the best receiving corps in the league, resurrect a quarterback from the trash heap, and then conveniently forget that the line holding it all together is barely functional.
I inherited this team from my father. I wish he’d left me anything else.
Anon:
Vikings fans wishposted for LA to burn down so they could get a neutral site wild card game, and then proceeded to watch their team get whipped in said wild card game. We deserved that one.
Harry:
Donald Trump is going to deploy the national guard to Minneapolis to stop us from having a male cheerleader.
Northern Owlbear:
Ma, get the hotdish ready and the Grain Belt in the fridge. This is our year. We’re rampaging in Dublin and London. Santa’s bringing us a present on December 25th. Nothing will go wrong!
Oh what’s that? One of our linebackers lost $240,000 in a phone scam? …fuck…
Ben:
Our fan have made performative Scandinavian miserabilism a part of their identity in a way that no other fanbase—not even ones with similar tortured histories like Detroit, Cleveland, Buffalo, or Atlanta—even comes close to matching. Those folks at least remember to have fun while the winning is happening. The Bills and Sabres have never won a goddamn thing ever, and Ralph Wilson is still a big, drunken combination parking lot and ECW show every week.
Not us, though. We’re preemptively mourning the loss before it happens. Nobody gives a fuck if you put on a hairshirt and wail about “Minnesota sports, le suffering, le despair.” It’s not gonna make your experience more enjoyable, it’s not gonna get you laid or anything. This shit’s supposed to be fun. I, for one, am looking forward to watching our quarterback who looks like a secondary villain in an Animal House ripoff lead us to the Super Bowl.
Jesse:
McCarthy will have a Joe Mauer-esque career of cherished regular season success that distinguishes him as a Minnesotan hero, which will mean absolute dick to anyone beyond the state border. He’ll be the best QB in franchise history and lead us to a 15-win MVP season, only to tear his other meniscus while leading the crowd in the Skol chant.
Shaun:
I am the abused jester who just dropped a king’s ransom on season tickets instead of starting a college fund for my future children.
John:
My dad passed with the Vikings never winning the Super Bowl. As will I and my sons and my grandson. It’s easier this way. Our helmets are cool.
Jason:
They’ll be average this year, and if they sneak into the playoffs, they’ll get humiliated.
Taylor:
Between quitting drinking, and deciding to take care of myself physically and emotionally, it’s easy to say, “Yeah I don’t let the Vikings bother me anymore.” But every time I hear Blair Walsh’s name I hope a meteor vaporizes his house.
Depressed Kevin:
We talk a good game on paper but in the end we throw a pick when it matters, miss a FG when it’s needed, and forget to gameplan after a big win. We are the Democrats of the NFL.
Roger:
JJ McCarthy threw about 10 total passes in college, and couldn’t make it through one preseason game without suffering a season-ending injury, but 99% of this fanbase has convinced itself we have the next Josh Allen.
Nate:
Gary Anderson signed a photo for me at the Festival Foods in Chanhassen during the 1998 season. I recently found it in my basement. I believe holding on to this cursed talisman has directly contributed to every Vikings choke in the years since. May God have mercy on my soul.
Tim:
They could be -3.5 favorites come playoff time and you know those fucking rubes are gonna lose by no less than three scores, get physically manhandled upfront on both sides of the ball, and collect a total of 165 yards of offense. The only thing this team has reliably produced since 1961 is trauma.
Christopher:
The pain of disappointment is almost assuredly coming, but I’m still in.
Richard:
JJ McCarthy has called Aaron Rodgers something like, “one of the greatest humans”, reposted Andrew Tate vomit, and has enough chiropractor from La Jolla health opinions to see where this is all heading.
Jake:
I became a Rams fan when they moved to St. Louis in 1994. I stood by them steadfastly through one of the worst stretches in NFL history until Stan Kroenke (may he die in a puddle of shit) moved the team to LA and torched St. Louis on his way out the door. Rather than just give up on the whole enterprise, I became a Vikings fan. And now my kids are Vikings fans, bound to the same horrible fate as their father. But perhaps the worst part of this saga is that, as a native-St. Louisan-turned-Minnesotan, I did all of this because the Vikings signed Sam Bradford. What is wrong with me?
Zach:
Well, they got me again. After telling myself I would never do this again I convinced myself that this was our year and I began to obnoxiously tell everyone around me with absolute sincerity that the Vikings were finally gonna win it all. I even travelled and took my wife to a home game. We sat next to a couple who had legitimately named their son Harrison Smith. Every time Harrison Smith made a play on the field they would drunkenly yell, “THAT’S OUR SON!” Vikings fans really are the worst. Me included.
We lost in the first round to the Rams. It wasn’t close.
We are going to win it all this year.
Josh:
Drew Pearson pushed off.
Nate:
We’re so fucked this year. And I get to watch my son suffer through the pain of coming off such a good season only to be completely shit the next season. He shall suffer as I have. And I’m going perversely enjoy watching his dreams die and wonder of life dim from his eyes. Never have dreams, son. And never want for things. This is the life you were born into.
Matt:
Every time I am about to give up on this team for good, they make me love them all over again by going down to the Quarterback Humane Society and picking out the cutest little QB prospect you’ve ever seen. Look! This one has dimples and was potty trained by Jim Harbaugh! The second I allow myself to believe that things are finally heading in the right direction, that kid’s knee will spontaneously combust in some non-contact, Scanners-for-knees rug pull on all my hopes and dreams. I’d like to believe that we already got all of the heartache out of the way this time, but deep down I know we’ll be watching Sam Howell do a shitty Case Keenum impression by mid-October.
Timothy:
The good part about being a Vikings fan for 50+ years is that I have become completely comfortable with massive disappointment. They can go 13-4 and 6-0 in their division, and I will still say, “It’s okay. They will fall apart eventually.” I will of course be right. And it won’t even really bother me.
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